Devious Journal Entry

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Explodering's avatar
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Started internship at sister's company. Decent pay, no parking fees, friendly people, what could go wrong?

Working on website, panicked at sheer scale of it. Overwhelmed. Displayed obvious cluelessness and stress. My abilities under suspicion.

Family not pleased. Rambled at and lectured about how I'm a pampered manchild. Bring up relatives' success despite coming from poor background. Consider me wanting to be Uber driver to be sign of delusion or low class, equate it with normal taxi drivers with terrible reputation. Question me on what to do in life if this internship fails.

No answer.

Stranded at the blur line between wanting comforting words and staying the same or accepting rude awakening and growing the fuck up. Strange feeling. Conflicted. Torn between anger and zen calm. Moral of the story: Showing weakness is taboo.

Comments here predictable. Will sound comforting and idealistic but likely completely impractical.

Have to keep trying. But days of simply playing and sleeping and drawing and expecting food on the table everyday are over.
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Comments1
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Pyre-Vulpimorph's avatar
I'm sorry. I really am. I wish I did have something more than comforting platitudes, something practical for you to use, but I don't. I'm just a guy in California fourteen thousand kilometers away. I don't know what all your job prospects are over there in Malaysia, or understand all the cultural nuances to showing strength or weakness, but in no way are you a "pampered manchild" to any of us. All I can say is stay strong, for yourself if no one else.