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Started internship at sister's company. Decent pay, no parking fees, friendly people, what could go wrong?
Working on website, panicked at sheer scale of it. Overwhelmed. Displayed obvious cluelessness and stress. My abilities under suspicion.
Family not pleased. Rambled at and lectured about how I'm a pampered manchild. Bring up relatives' success despite coming from poor background. Consider me wanting to be Uber driver to be sign of delusion or low class, equate it with normal taxi drivers with terrible reputation. Question me on what to do in life if this internship fails.
No answer.
Stranded at the blur line between wanting comforting words and staying the same or accepting rude awakening and growing the fuck up. Strange feeling. Conflicted. Torn between anger and zen calm. Moral of the story: Showing weakness is taboo.
Comments here predictable. Will sound comforting and idealistic but likely completely impractical.
Have to keep trying. But days of simply playing and sleeping and drawing and expecting food on the table everyday are over.
Working on website, panicked at sheer scale of it. Overwhelmed. Displayed obvious cluelessness and stress. My abilities under suspicion.
Family not pleased. Rambled at and lectured about how I'm a pampered manchild. Bring up relatives' success despite coming from poor background. Consider me wanting to be Uber driver to be sign of delusion or low class, equate it with normal taxi drivers with terrible reputation. Question me on what to do in life if this internship fails.
No answer.
Stranded at the blur line between wanting comforting words and staying the same or accepting rude awakening and growing the fuck up. Strange feeling. Conflicted. Torn between anger and zen calm. Moral of the story: Showing weakness is taboo.
Comments here predictable. Will sound comforting and idealistic but likely completely impractical.
Have to keep trying. But days of simply playing and sleeping and drawing and expecting food on the table everyday are over.
Non-professional life
Starting a new job tomorrow. Should go quite nicely. Not worried about my professional life.
My non-professional life though might be a different story.
I mostly only talk to two friends, yet it feels like I'm drifting away from them anyway. It used to be easier when we had a few interests in common. But I've been moving on and expanding the kind of content I consume since. And it feels like I can't talk to them about the things I'm interested in beyond colorful superhero and pop culture stuff, like drama movies or anything Chinese or Korean.
It came about because my attempts at being creative and coming up with my own characters/settings/
Reflections on 2016
As 2016 draws to a close, I felt I should summarize how the year went for me, and maybe realize some things about myself in the process.
Work: This was the year I finally graduated and started working, and though my first job didn't work out, it's allowed me to move on to another that does, at least so far. So as far as work goes this definitely was a major milestone in my life. Best to keep this up all way into the next year and beyond.
Interests: My previous obsession was Gravity Falls, but it's hard to remain dedicated to a show that has ended, however great it was. Rather than try out other TV series, however, I instead jumped over to O
Update
Might as well say something since it's been a while, and quite a bit has changed since my last post.
I left my last job at the end of June - just didn't have the coding expertise they were looking for - and spent the next 3 months finding work and mostly idling in general. Just had my first day as a software tester at a major bank after two weeks of training. The orientation and preparation is generally much better than the last place, so that's a good start.
What does this mean for my art? I'm not sure. I had 3 months of free time, but that doesn't mean much when it came about due to unemployment. I might even say having a job could actual
New everything
New job, new computer, new fandom devotion, new start...new me. That's what I can say now.
© 2015 - 2024 Explodering
Comments1
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I'm sorry. I really am. I wish I did have something more than comforting platitudes, something practical for you to use, but I don't. I'm just a guy in California fourteen thousand kilometers away. I don't know what all your job prospects are over there in Malaysia, or understand all the cultural nuances to showing strength or weakness, but in no way are you a "pampered manchild" to any of us. All I can say is stay strong, for yourself if no one else.